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Saturday 6th December: Come to Santas Thomson Drive Grotto

Final Brief for Saturday

Pitch conditions looking good looks like a Dry night Saturday night so more flesh + more teens should be on show.


The house is open from Friday 6:00 and who ever is coming out on Friday night we are staying off the ale and going to the cinema on Friday night.

I Think me, Stubbert, Shake, EIDER, GuyGas, Ethel and Jim are going to the Cinema we will probably get something to eat as well.

Top Gun and Smaegol will be arriving too late (about 10:00) so they will not join us, I will give them the key to let themselves in and get bowels deep in each other.

Jaloppi (aka Raymond) is not coming up until Saturday as he is working

Battered and Fister you will have to let me know what you are doing come along to the Cinema if you want?


I know that Big Shot, Shake, Stubbert, Top Gun, GuyGas, Smaegol and Jim are around all day so will probably get into each others colons for amusement (or listen to shake regal tales of excitement of how much he wants to pull that night)

EIDER and Jaloppi are working and will meet us at the meal, and Ethel is racing so will be around late Afternoon.

Al are you around sat day?

Fister are you working Sat?

Those who are at the house will head down for 7:30 to the meal anyone who cant make it to 24 Thompson Drive, meet us there.

Stubbert is bailing at this point as he has a work do, but will probably come to meet us in the club later on.

Jaloppi is not eating with us he will not arrive until 8:30 so will not be there in time to eat but he is coming to join us to drink at our table, so there is 10 of us eating.

Then the Team head into town in search of Teen Bowels!!


Everyone is broken and hopefully is up for a heavy group beating session at Thompson Drive and a Debrief on the result.

Peoples Movements To the best of my knowledge. PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF THESE ARE ANY DIFFERENT

Bi Shot=Avalible from 6:00 Friday
Shakes=Available from 6:00 Friday
Stubbert=All but the night out, might join us later
Top Gun=Coming up about 10 Friday
Smaegol=Coming up about 10 Friday
Jaloppi=Coming up 8:30 Sat night
Ethel= All but Sat Day
Jimbo= Available from 6:00 Friday
GuyGas=Available from 6:00 Friday
Eider=All but Sat Day


*I know some of you have sent me cheques, I have told other people not to worry, others I dont even know if they are eating. I think 10 of us will can everyone bring 7 For me as I have paid everyones deposits, that only leaves 13 to pay to the restaurant for three courses, not bad! Also the bar is serving drinks so that wont get complicated.

*We are having a diplomatic vote on choice of club so the we go the one that is most wanted whether it be: Equals (NOW EXES) (Shake), Niche, Enigma, Chemistry, Time or Fez so have a think about where you might want to go.


*JAZZ, DVDs MAGS vital for Sunday any new material would be well received. Martin bring Roy up if you can.

*Watch out for Ethel's Knob its lethal!


Bowel Dog

CHELTENHAM 29th Of November
I know we have the Big one on the 6th coming up but we also have a fixture this Saturday coming up anyone is welcome, so far the teamsheet reads as follows:
Shakes (GK)
Smeagol (CB/SW)
Stubbert (CB/SW)
Jim (AMC)
Pete (RW)
Sam (LW)
Ethel (SC)

Thompson Drive is open from 6:00 Tonight (Friday 28th of November) we are chilling on the saturday and going in search of points on the Sat night, if anyone wants to drop on by for the Weekend, we would welcome any support or addtions to the Formation, Rob? Keiller? Al?

Definate Absentees:

Paul=Hockey Tour
Fister=In Bath For the Weekend


Sheik Abu-Hamza

Wednesday 16th October: Massive defeat for the squad although new boy shines

Result: Massive Defeat for the squad again.

Man of the Match: Stubbert, hat-rick hero reminiscent of the three goals notched by John De Wolf for Wolves.

Other MOM Contenders:

  1. Robin (c), bagging a double brace plus a huge amount of Fat
  2. Mummery: No conversion but a PFA award
  3. Pete: consolation Goal


  1. Battered (Injured 23:20)
  2. Eider (Injured 01:00)
  3. Shakes (Injured 01:00)

Post-Match Comments:

  • Stubbert: "To score you need to be in the box to receive the chances"
  • Pete "Its ok to open your mind to guys"
  • Jimbo "SJ is an idiot"
  • Keiller [sound of sick and an electric garage door that needs to be forced open] (Stunning)
  • Fister "How much [insert comment here]"


Good effort, must try again. three star rating and only Stubbert and Robin manages to get in teen of the week.

Wednesday 2nd October: Blouse joins the guy mess
After an impressive trial in Reading the bored of the We're all guys squad has offered a contract to 'the Blouse'. Known for his extrovert personality we can all witness this eccentric character on future fixtures. Welcome Blouse!

Cheers Scott

Monday 30th September: With thanks to Scott....
The squad wishes to thank Scott Anderson for hosting the Friday night at Brannagns, Reading. He is a massive hero for us all.
If anyone is interested, Scott will be making regular appearances at the reading venue and would like to shake hands with anyone who will buy him a G & T.

A Massive Fixture...
...for this massive person!

Tuesday 16th September: Reading is looming...
It looks as if the squad is all fully fit and raring to go. There is however one slight concern as shakes has a late fitness test.

Monday 15th September: Massive Rankings reshuffle
Since Magaluf a lot of things have happened. The squad has increased in depth and some players have had a Jeremy Goss-like run of form and totally changed the ecological pyrimid of pulling power. Find out more on site...

Sunday September 14th: The squad official welcomes new signing 'Eider'.
After months of contract disputes the squad officially welcomes its second scandanavian import, following Ethel, and welcomes Eider to the team. Find out more about him on his new player profile...

Wednesday 20th August: Fister promises goods for the squad
After alledgedly securing a golf deal in the Balearics, Fister has promised each squad member 5,000 if he makes a million bythe end of the year. Will this B&Q lad be fisting for joy???

Tuesday 19th August: Cup tie arranged in ten days which should see plenty of conversions.
Details have been released concerning a match that will pitt the Cheltenham based squad with a home banker, in which five birds will arrive for their five holes to be serviced. A spokesman from the Cheltenham squad was quoted as saying 'Get em in'. Will shakes decide to improve his bird pulling ratio????
I'm expecting a five fat messes!

Raymond the Review

Sunday 17th August: Raymond finds his purple patch again!
Raymond shagged a bird from work and said she was tight, stunning. or is it just the fact that you have a big dick mate?? You could always get advice from Ethel on coping with having a huge cock. Similarly Battered admittedly cannot provide that advice!

Saturday 16th August: Battered follows Yeovil hotshot Kevin Gall and nets for fun
Three numbers: two pulls and and a high street conversion displays Battered's diversity, flexibilty and vunerability. He obviously wants todemonstrate that he's number one in the rankings for a particular reason!

Saturday 16th August: Jimbo stakes a claim for top spot in the pre-Reading rankings
Jimbo limbered up for the weekend by bagging a fittie in coventry to inspire confidence and optimism for the coming weekend in cheltenham.  After a five week drought critics where quick to dispell Jimbo's chances of tackling birds.  But how Jimbo was to prove them wrong! As he entered Toad (Pike Pub Capital) he set his sights on a slip of a girl by the DJ box and proceeded to ease her in and attain her number. This inspired 'tackling confidence' of the other team members.

One pull wasnt enough for Jimbo as he moved onto fez and rolled in 90th minute special and got offered sex, so the brace was achieved and a hat-trick for the week earning a well deserved man of the match award and player of the week.

Well done jim, you got the fuckers in.

Friday 15th August: Top Gun and Ethel return to happy hunting ground
Top Gun and Ethel return back to the strip...you fuckers!! Anyone in the squad is waiting in anticipation for the 04:00am calls from the tossers in pike paradise. Would be the stuff of dreams if Top Gun can be sucked off by the PR from Boomerangs. Makes some get hard thinking about it.

Sunday 10th August: We're All guys squad makes new Aquisition
The "We're all Guys" Squad has boosted it's depth by the signing of a new Cardiff-based talent on a long-term contract. Details set to follow but his name has been released as 'Para'.

Thursday 7th August: Wide Awake Club?
As the resident legend and editor of the site I need the reviews of any of the days in Mallorca. I can't really remember what happened and where although I know that from The Sunday onwards I managed to avoid all ill birds, unlike all you crazy guys with standards as high Harold Shipman. Surely you can't expect probably the best looking bloke in Cheltenham to write the reviews of every day???

Wednesday 6th August: Weekend Review
It was a quiet week all round. Shakes was literally the most bored man on the planet as Big Shot was out of action and it seemed across the country premature hibernation set in. No points scored and a devastating weekend review.
Please 'Big it Up' (as the urban pike culture states) for Big Shot who is on the verge of gaining player of the month after coaxing a Magaluf pull back to our house in Cheltenham whilst the talk of a Newcastle venture is hotting up. Will there be any pulls in Byker? We shall see although I have always had a soft spot for Spoogy!

Wednesday July 30th: Full recovery now seen in the we're all guys camp
After returning from the tour of Magaluf the squad was put through its paces and in need of rest. The treatment tables had been booked after some kind of illness spread round the hotel. Was it flu or was it an STD virus? I dunno (you can ask GuyGAS who will probably tell you after gaining a first in microgeekybiology). Anyway, results have been promising in Kent where Top Gun and Ethel have started the new season in form but the West Country contingent have yet to settle. We shall see who performs from this point!

Thurday 3rd July: Easy fucking does!
We're off to fucking sunny spain, amazing. Latest Headlines: Ethel may be a fag but then again he may just be twisted after reputedly securing a date with a right minger. Top Gun  is dissappointed with the drop in seedings but will stake his claim for the title by an all out attack on Magaluf Teens. Raymond Review wants to get incredibly Batteredt and go to an almost near death level in terms of drunkeness. Shakes will upset the record books and try to pull at least....one bird. Big Shot looks to develop his list of birds with careers (or should that be birds with carers?), Jimbo wants to get anyone in who is not from Glos, GuyGas wants to get anyone in, Smaegol wants to pull fit birds or fat birds (one or the other), battered wants to win on a shoestring. Basically the teens are out there, seek and destroy!!!

Thursday 3rd July: 2 Days to Go to Magaluf
ACE, can't wait!

Tuesday 1st July: Injury time winner sees seeding changes
After making a last gasp appearence in Fez last night, successes for Bigshot and Battered went a long way into justifying the final seedings (which will be revealed tomorrow). Big Shot managed to bag a Slovak (ill-teeth and a bit of a pike) whilst Battered probably pulled but no one actually saw anything. He did score though. Anyway, it will go a long way into securing the pre-seeds. Also shock horror as shakes didn't pull. Again.

Sunday 29th June: Jimbo again implements his Houllier-esque Gloustershire birds only policy
Jimbo frequented Jumping Jacks, Coventry, last night (Sat) and bagged a teen. It's the first strike of the season in Cov for Jimbo. Only downer is the bitch came from Gloucester and goes out in Cheltenham quite a bit. No doubt Jimbo will see her out in the future and she'll attack him or something, they all go the same old way.
Thank god he got one in after a goal-less drawn last weekend, form has been recaptured as the tournament approaches. He only hopes he can tuck away the chances presented when we finally kick off.

Saturday 28th June: The Kent lot 'Pulls' the wrong uns
The Kent crew played a behind-closed-doors friendly on saturday nite in canterbury. The performance was absolutely disgraceful but they managed to come away with a lucky 2-1 victory. Top Gun bagged a couple of stinking pikes, ethel pulled the 2nd ugliest bird ive ever seen in my life (only beaten by that stinker in the gallery). Ethels stinker was trying it on with me (Guygas) for most of the nite and i almost punched her in the face (it would probably have made an improvement). I think tactics need to be drastically overhauled to ensure success on the forthcoming tour of majorca!

Frriday 27th June: Cheltenham venture draws a blank
Despite the pool being overloaded with fish, the trawlers failed to pick up any noteworthy goals last night. In the current climate and run of form it is a very soorowful performance by the Cheltenham performers. Not what was needed before the big kick-off.

Thursday 26th June: Team Line-Up Provisionally Announced
GK       Fister
CB       Raymond Review
CB/SW Shakes
LWBK   Smaegol
RWBK   Guygas
CMF     Big Shot
CMF     Jimbo
FW      Cotton
STR     Top Gun
STR     Battered

Monday 23rd of June: Deadly Duo Strikes
What has Charlie Chaplin's Headwear and Battered's pulls from this evening got in common? The asnwer is that they're both old hat BUT its still good training. Only 8 days away from kick off and the stats are very impressive for half the the group. So to the other non-scoring group - Start Scoring!

Photographs of some team members now on site...Please check daily for updates!

Friday 20th June: Success in day one of the Balearic's pilot expedition
News has filtered through to my head office that the first day of the Balearics probe has proved mightily successful. Top Gun has bagged a pike and Ethel has bagged a EuroJap. Excellent work! Those performances will undoubtedly win you points!!

Thursday 19th June: The Balearic's probed before big kick-off
Topgun and Ethel set-off tomorrow on a Balearic teen scouting mission, Ibiza and Magaluf will be visited.  Reports suggest the mission will give a good indication of the level of teen resistance that will be encountered come July 5th.

Note you Bastards: Very Important Information (by Top Gun)
Flight times are as follows:

Sat 5/7 - London Gatwick South Terminal to Palma Mallorca, flight No. TCX800K

take off at 06.35 GMT (check-in desk opens at 03.35)

Landing at 10.00 CET

Sat 12/7 Palma Mallorca to London Gatwick South Terminal, flight No. TCX800L

take off at 11.00 CET (check-in desk opens at 09.00)

Landing at 12.20 GMT

I (Top Gun) will keep all the tickets until we meet at the airport, I suggest we meet at 03.30 at the departures entrance of the South terminal on Saturday 5/7.  There are rumours afoot of the Cheltenham contingent going out in Reading on the Friday night, just a warning, if you turn up battered (Raymond and Big Shot) and they don't let you on the plane your fucking idiots, and I'm still going to Magaluf cos there will be more teens for those of us that do go!

Tuesday 17th June: Cheltenham Weekend Review
A special mention goes to Top Gun for bagging a brace, and knob of the weekend goes to shakes for trying to get into a fag club at 1:00 in the morning.

I must also mention
my own dismal performance when I obviously had the appeal of Roy Whiting at a parents evening to most of the birds in the club.

Great blow-out for me I approached a girl "Are you alright, can I buy you a drink" she says "no I'm going home" an hour later I walk past her. Ill.

Monday 16th June: GuyGas returns to former club
Summer transfer gos. Rumour has it that on Saturday GuyGas is re-signing for his old team in Kent after a 4 year stint in Plymouth. He is said to be linking up with Kent Stalwarts Martehn', Ethel, and Top Gun in a bid to boost the profile of the flagging county. It's nice to see a bit of loyalty in this money driven age!

Sunday 15th June: Jimbo's strategy is overawed
After years of favouring the youth team strategy the policy of Jimbo was totally overawed last night. Gone are the days when youngsters are blooded into the forefront of action. This tactic has been replaced by the 'Columbus-Crew' like strategy of securing veterans to draw upon their wealth of experience. Indeed acknowledgement needs to be paid to Jimbo for securing the services of a 33 year old veteran. Well done!!

Wednesday 11th June: Battered's odd's decrease dramatically after random fitness test
The odds of Battered have been increased after it was discovered that he failed a fitness test this week. According to the clubs medics he is refrained from drinking alcohol for a month and this will totally dispell his chances if he adheres to this advice.

Wedensday 27th of May-FISTER UP IN ARMS!!
Fister is distraught as his place in the seedings continues to slide.  Speculations continues to surround the fact that little fresh meat is arriving on the scene. Is this really the actions of a man confidently predicting an easy win this holiday with lines like "I'll be dissapointed if I dont get a shag every night". Could it parallel Frances prediction and then early exit in South korea/Japan 2002?

Sunday 23rd May 2003-TOP GUN JOINS CELEBRITY Z LIST!!!!!!
Top gun put in a incredible preformance by pulling Ellie from Hollyoaks in Majorca last week the question is can get over it to post a table topping score this world cup. The only person who can answer that is him as he agonises at the T.V as Toby (Played by quite literally the worst actor in the world) gets her in!

Sunday 23rd of May 2003-ETHEL IN STINKER SHAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ethels placing in the seeds is in doubt after his debcale in Majorca, Ethel claims drunkeness as a albili, everyone else claims madness, the question is will cotton better this in the bars and clubs of Magaluf?
The scandel is yet further increased when Ethel proclaims that he pulled a fit Scottish Bird. However, evidence later contradicted this as photo shots of the 'fit bird' told the true story. Pulling wool over our eyes eh?

Scandal as Ethel bags stinker!!!


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